Walt Disney "The Black Hole" Limited Edition Tin Lobby Cards Book VHS
Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders
This Flesh Gordon Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders features a ridiculously fun, comic style illustration of Flesh Gordon with several cosmic cheerleaders along with The Evil Presence and Queen Frigid against the backdrop of The Strange Planet. The poster carries the headline “FLESH IS BACK!” and the additional text “Coming to save the universe from a diabolical menace…GALACTIC IMPOTENCE!” and “THE SEQUEL TO THE OUTRAGEOUS CLASSIC”.
Escape from the Planet of the Apes (1971)
Battle for the Planet of the Apes (1973)
Phantom of the Paradise (1974)
1974's Phantom of the Paradise, written and directed by DePalma, combines elements of Gaston Leroux's The Phantom of the Opera, Goethe's Faust, Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray, and David Bowie's Aladdin Sane into an off-the-wall, satirical 70's rock musical.
The film tells the story of a brilliant but luckless composer named Winslow Leach, played by DePalma veteran William Finley (who also appears in the director's early films Murder à la Mod and The Wedding Party, as well as in Sisters and The Fury), who is used, abused, and ripped off by the ageless music impresario Swan, played by Paul Williams. After Swan steals his rock opera and has him imprisoned on trumped-up charges, Leach escapes and attempts revenge, which results in his being gruesomely disfigured at the Swan Records pressing plant, transforming him into the Phantom of the title.
The Paradise of the title is Swan's rock palace, the grand opening of which is to be scored with Leach's magnum opus. Although the music was written for Winslow's true love, Phoenix, played by Jessica Harper (Suspiria, Stardust Memories), Swan casts glitter-rock gargoyle Beef (Gerrit Graham) as the lead, much to the chagrin of the Phantom. Mayhem ensues.
Graham, who had worked with DePalma in Greetings and Hi, Mom!, has many of the film's funniest moments, including an homage to the shower scene in Hitchcock's Psycho that must be seen to be believed. His "shocking" exit is also a highlight.
The diminutive Williams, who also wrote the film's score, has a field day as the devilish Swan, devouring the scenery as he gleefully torments Leach throughout the film. He is the embodiment of the "evil mothers" that run the music business, the personification of that industry's out-of-control egotism, rampant greed, and ruthless exploitation of the artist. The movie is sort of like an operatic variation on the famous Hunter S. Thompson quote, "The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."
Phantom of the Paradise is at once highly derivative (see the various sources listed above) and wholly original, a one-of-a-kind movie musical that could have only been made in 1974. It doesn't all work, but the film's audacity and over-the-top energy carry the day. Although Phantom was not a commercial success in its day, it has since become a cult movie, and rumors of a remake have been floating around for years.
But rather than waiting for the inevitably disappointing rehash starring Lady GaGa as Phoenix and Justin Bieber as Swan, see the original instead.
Spider Baby 1964
The Birds (1963)
Billy the Kid vs. Dracula, Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter (1966)
Billy the Kid vs. Dracula stars Chuck Courtney as Billy the Kid and John Carradine as Dracula. The script for this mess plays fast and loose with vampire mythology while also ignoring the history of the old west. For example, everybody knows that sunlight will kill a vampire, right? Well, in this picture, ol' Drac walks around during the day with no ill effects. Not that it's easy to tell whether it's day or night in this movie, as they both kinda look the same. As for the history part, it is well-known that William Bonney a/k/a Billy the Kid was gunned down at the age of 19 by his old friend Pat Garrett in 1881, but in this movie, he's alive and well, having gone straight and is now working as a ranch hand at the Double Bar B.
The character of Dracula had been portrayed in films by several noted thespians, including Bela Lugosi, Lon Chaney, and Christopher Lee, each of whom brought their own brand of menace to the role. In Billy the Kid vs. Dracula, veteran character actor and notorious ham John Carradine plays the vampire as a dirty old man, a lascivious lech with a taste for young flesh. Check out the scene in the stagecoach, where he leeringly lusts after the photo of our heroine, Betty Bentley, played by the lovely Melinda Plowman. "18 and beautiful, eh?" What a filthy old creep!
Also look for Virginia Christine as Mrs. Oster, or as she was known in many a Folger's coffee commercial in the '60s and '70s, Mrs. Olsen, and a very special performance by a rubber bat on a string. Look for the prop man visibly manipulating the rubber bat on a string. He's right in the frame, and not just for a second, either. He's there as plain as day, baby. Well, that's why they called Bill Beaudine "One Shot," because he almost always printed the first take. Prop man in the shot? Print it! String clearly visible on the rubber bat? Print it!
As I mentioned, the character of Count Dracula is played by the great John Carradine, a man with over 300 motion picture and television credits, from his film debut in 1930's Bright Lights to his final screen appearance in 1995's Bikini Drive-In, which was released seven years after his death. A protege of John Barrymore, John Carradine was known as "The Voice" thanks to his deep-throated baritone, and starred on the stage as well as the silver screen. He was a member in good standing of director John Ford's stock company of actors, appearing in the Ford classics Stagecoach, The Grapes of Wrath, and The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance, among others. He also appeared in Grade-Z schlock like The Astro-Zombies, Hillbillys in a Haunted House, and Blood of Ghastly Horror.
As Carradine himself once said, "I've been in some of the greatest films ever made - and a lot of crap, too."
While Chuck Courtney's Billy the Kid is pretty nondescript, Carradine's Dracula is a hoot, a crusty old vampire pursuing an age-inappropriate relationship with a tender young thing, played by the fetching Melinda Plowman. Starting out as a child actress, Plowman specialized in sweet and innocent types, usually on televison. She first worked with director William Beaudine, on the Disney serial "The New Adventures of Spin and Marty," and also had a recurring role as Terry the babysitter on "Please don't eat the Daisies." Billy the Kid vs. Dracula was her last movie appearance, but she continued to work on the small screen until 1968, when she disappeared from the face of the earth, or married a rich producer, take your pick.
Billy the Kid vs. Dracula works equally well as a western and a horror movie, which is to say, not very well at all. However, as a comedy, it defintely has its moments.
The same cannot be said for Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter, which originally played on the bottom half of a double bill with Billy the Kid vs. Dracula, simultaneously creating and destroying the horror western genre. It was shot in eight days at the Ray Corrigan Ranch in Simi Valley, California on a budget of a buck-eighty-five, give or take a dollar.
Now if you've seen Billy the Kid vs. Dracula, you know that you're in for a long scrape round the bottom of the barrel, cinematically speaking. If anything, Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter is even worse in every way, with bad acting, tossed-off dialogue, cheap sets, and laughable special effects making for a perfect storm of bad cheese. Unfortunately, this movie, unlike its companion piece, doesn't have John Carradine or any rubber bats to provide the necessary comic relief. However, the film does have its defenders, Joe Bob Briggs (who does the highly entertainly commentary track on one of the better DVD editions of the movie) among them.
Jesse James has been played by actors ranging from tough guys like Lawrence Tierney and Lee Van Cleef to Audie Murphy to Roy Rogers to Hugh Beaumont. That's right, the Beaver's dad played Jesse James. James Dean played him on TV in 1953, as did James Coburn in 1958. Robert Duvall played Jesse in 1972's The Great Northfield, Minnesota Raid, and more recently, Brad Pitt and Colin Farrell have played the part. But of all the actors to ever portray the legendary outlaw, surely the least notable interpretation ever is by the star of Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter, John Lupton. Lupton was an actor who made his film debut in 1951'sSt. Benny the Dip, and was probably best known for co-starring with Fess Parker in the "Andrew's Raiders" TV series. More roles in TV westerns would follow, as well as numerous potrayals of military officers, policemen, and politicians. He was also particularly adept at playing a stuffed shirt.
Palying the part of Frankenstein's daughter, er, grand-daughter, is Narda Onyx. This movie is one of only three features she ever appeared in, and her only starring role. She played Eva Braun's sister Gretl in her previous film, 1962's Hitler, starring Richard Basehart as der Fuhrer. She worked a lot on television, and you may recall her role as Mademoiselle Denise on several different episodes of "The Beverly Hillbillies." Then again, you might not.
Without a doubt, the best known actor in this movie is Jim Davis, who plays Marshall McPhee. A veteran of scores of B-westerns and action movies, with titles like The Savage Horde, Border Lust, and Five Bloody Graves, Davis is best known for his gritty portrayal of Jock Ewing on the TV series "Dallas." Davis was no stranger to bad cinema, working in such trashploitation epics as The Road Hustlers, The Passion Pits, and alongside a wheelchair-bound J. Carrol Naish and a decrepit Lon Chaney Jr. in Al Adamson's dreadful 1971 ultra-cheapie Dracula vs. Frankenstein, also known as Blood of Frankenstein, also known as As I mentioned earlier, this movie was directed by William Beaudine. In a career that spanned seven decades, Beaudine was known for making low-budget quickies for poverty row studios like Monogram Pictures, where he helmed many a picture with Leo Gorcey, Huntz Hall, and the Bowery Boys. Beaudine's nickname, "One-Shot," came from his relectance to shoot any scene more than once. To him, re-take was a dirty word. As long as the scene he shot bore a passing resemblance to what was in the script, he always printed the first take. You'll notice that in Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter, Beaudine more often than not sticks to a master shot, rarely going in for close-ups, and using the same set-ups over and over, despite the fact that Frankenstein manor is obviously a matte painting. Maybe ol' One-Shot was losing his touch. After the double whammy of Billy the Kid vs. Dracula and Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter, Beaudine only got a handful of directing assignments: two episodes of the 1967 "Green Hornet" TV series, a couple of Lassies, and an episode of "Walt Disney's Wonderful World of Color."Teenage Dracula, and also known as Satan's Bloody Freaks.
As I mentioned earlier, this movie was directed by William Beaudine. In a career that spanned seven decades, Beaudine was known for making low-budget quickies for poverty row studios like Monogram Pictures, where he helmed many a picture with Leo Gorcey, Huntz Hall, and the Bowery Boys. Beaudine's nickname, "One-Shot," came from his relectance to shoot any scene more than once. To him, re-take was a dirty word. As long as the scene he shot bore a passing resemblance to what was in the script, he always printed the first take. You'll notice that in Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter, Beaudine more often than not sticks to a master shot, rarely going in for close-ups, and using the same set-ups over and over, despite the fact that Frankenstein manor is obviously a matte painting. Maybe ol' One-Shot was losing his touch. After the double whammy of Billy the Kid vs. Dracula and Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter, Beaudine only got a handful of directing assignments: two episodes of the 1967 "Green Hornet" TV series, a couple of Lassies, and an episode of "Walt Disney's Wonderful World of Color."
The bottom line is that the movie doesn't live up to its title. Unlike Billy the Kid vs. Dracula, there aren't nearly enough (unintentional) laugh-out-loud moments to make it truly worth your while, but it is better than, say, watching a marathon of "The Real Housewives of New York."
Up next: Bastards of Horror IV: The Ghost of Frankenstein vs. The Mummy's Ghost.
Frankenstein (1931)
Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter
This season’s regret is 1966’s Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter. Whatever you’re imagining based on the western/horror hybrid of that title, let me assure you that Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter is infinitely more underwhelming.
We open with neither Jesse James nor Frankenstein’s kin but with a very Mexican peasant family. They lament their lot in life, which seems to include sending their son into “that cursed house” where he must remain because he has “the sickness.” They’re so mad, they’re gonna wait and pray! Strangely, it all feels more like a Zorro movie than anything else.
Meanwhile, in a giant mission in the middle of nowhere, the lovely Maria is watching a lightning storm with her much older brother and her outrageous accent. Maria delights in the fact that the American prairie provides such terrific lightning storms for her experiments. I’m still a bit unclear as to what these experiments are meant to achieve, but they include a lot of neon lights and salad bowls as headgear and some young man who will either die or come to life and then die again.
Yes, this is indeed Frankenstein’s daughter from the title. Technically. She’s a Frankenstein’s daughter, but she’s the granddaughter of the famous Dr. Frankenstein.
Maria and her much older brother conduct another experiment, and there’s neon and mood music and crackling electricity and all that stuff, and it results in yet another dead body. The much older brother begins to complain, but Maria puts him in his place with:
“My, you’re a humanitarian. You should have stayed in Europe and given pick pills to sweet old ladies.”
Maria quickly assesses that what she really needs is a big, strong man – like a giant! – to withstand the trauma of her experiment. She gets all frothy over the idea as we cut to… a big, strong man – like a giant! – engaging in the kind of shirtless fisticuffs that the Wild Wild West is famous for.
No, the big, strong man is not Jesse James – that’s his rather dimwitted buddy, Hank. Jesse James is the tired, middle-aged beanpole of a man watching the fight and letting everyone know that the reports of his death have been greatly exaggerated. Together, Jesse and Hank have a groovy little Of Mice and Men thing going.
Turns out that our less-than dynamic duo are in town on the behest of the remaining members of The Wild Bunch (I thought they were talking about this Wild Bunch, but this one makes much more sense). Apparently, times are tough for outlaws – they even mention how Frank James is “hiding out as a preacher.” Somehow, getting up in front of a crowd to preach strikes me as a terrible way to hide from the public.
These guys, they’re tough! So tough that when Lonny, the Wild Bunch’s resident alcoholic, mouths off to Jesse James, the famed outlaw shoots the gun right out of Lonny’s hand and Lonny’s brother doesn’t even raise an eyebrow. Given that treatment, it’s not much surprise that Lonny rats out the gang to the local marshal. The stagecoach robbery goes pear-shaped, and Jesse James manages to escape with a wounded Hank.
James stumbles upon the peasants from the opening of the film, and they engage in some high school Spanish. Como estas? Muy bien! E tu?
Their comely and spirited daughter, Juanita, agrees to take the outlaws to Dr. Frankenstein’s in the hopes of patching up Hank. Along the way, James gets ambushed by a hippie (I think he’s supposed to be a Native American, but he looks more like a war protester). The music tells us that this is all very dramatic and exciting. But the actual fight? Not so much. The grateful Juanita gives Jesse James a big ol’ smooch for his efforts.
At last, Jesse James meets Frankenstein’s (grand)daughter, and the two sit in the parlor and chat – just like you imagined they would. Maria is psyched to get the big, strong man – like a giant! – she’d been hoping for, and quick to figure out the real identities of the outlaws. Maria makes a pass at Jesse James to keep him around, but he turns her down in favor of Juanita. Drama! Maria is full-on jealous, and suddenly this film becomes like the strangest issue of Archie comic ever.
Are you getting antsy yet? Wondering whether Frankenstein’s Monster might actually show up? Or if anything remotely interesting might happen? Welcome to Jesse James Meets Frankenstein’s Daughter.
The closest we get to the famous monster is a lobotomized Hank, who does all the required lumbering and mumbling and strangling. There is a great moment during Hank’s operation where Maria adds some instant oatmeal to brain in a jar, causing the brain to throb because that’s what brains do. Once lobo-Hank is up and around, Maria re-named him Igor. Just to make it officially a Frankenstein movie.
It all builds up to a terrific gunfight—ha ha, no, that doesn’t happen. In fact, for much of the climax, Jesse James was either restrained or unconscious. I gotta say, I kinda envied him.
Death Race 2000
Pat’s Shame List consists of classic films he hasn’t seen yet. I also have a shame list. I don’t have it listed out in Your Face! (though you’ll find a partial list in the poll at the end of this post), but there are a whole bunch of classics that I haven’t check out yet either. Of course, I have a slightly different definition of “classic” than most people.
Which brings us to the Roger Corman-produced Death Race 2000. Hey, Netflix says it’s a classic, so that’s good enough for me.
Death Race 2000 opens with some muscle car drawings made by a high school kid in shop class. It does not instill confidence.
Death Race 2000 opens with some muscle car drawings made by a high school kid in shop class. It does not instill confidence.
We’re in The Future, where all the TV personalities dress like George Jetson, and we’re tuning in for the 20th annual Transcontinental Road Race. The movie does not waste any time, moving directly to introducing the racers — all five of them. Yeah, I know. What Death Race 2000 lacks in quantity, it makes up for in quality. Anyway, here are the racers:
“Calamity” Jane, driving a bull-car, complete with giant bull horns
“The Swastika Sweetheart” Matilda the Hun, driving a fully stocked Nazimobile
The narcissistic “Nero the Hero,” driving a glammed-out lion car
“Machine Gun” Joe (Sly Stallone!), in what I assume is a mafia-themed roadster (because when I think “mafia,” I think about giant knives strapped to the hood of a car) — we know he’s the villain by the way Joe fires his tommy gun into the stands
The enigmatic “Frankenstein” (David Carradine), a caped gimp who has “lost a leg, lost an arm, half a face and half a chest, but has all the guts in the world!” and drives a big lizard of a car
After a quick word by Mr. President from his Stairway to Heaven, and we’re off! Vroom-vroom-vroom!! And then the commentators run down how many points each kind of pedestrian run down is worth.
Yeah, it’s a bit stunning. Not that the racers are encouraged to run over pedestrians or even the violence of watching nearly 20 people get run down. Even “euthanasia day” at the hospital isn’t so stunning. What’s stunning is that anyone would be on the road at all. Seriously: It’s the biggest televised event of the year, where for a couple days racers are actively encouraged to run over people – why are you having a picnic now?
You may be starting to suspect that Death Race 2000 is a very silly movie.
I went into it ready for all the awful auto-related violence that made this film so controversial at the time, but I can’t imagine how anyone took Death Race 2000 so seriously because it’s a very silly movie. It’s tempting to compare Death Race 2000 to such biting satires as Series 7: The Contenders, but tonally it’s a lot closer to The Running Man.
Or hell, even Hanna-Barbera’s Wacky Races.
And I haven’t even touched on the subplot involving Thomasina Paine’s resistance movement and her granddaughter covertly posing as Frankenstein‘s navigator. The Resistance strikes back at the Mr. President’s regime by ambushing the racers one at a time — including a priceless scene where a racer is detoured Wile E. Coyote-style through a fake tunnel to nowhere.
That’s the second time I’ve compared Death Race 2000 to a cartoon, and with good reason. In his original treatment of the film, Roger Corman played it straight and found the story to be “kind of vile” — hence the cartoonish approach. The end result is ridiculous… and ridiculously fun.
DEVIL WOMAN (1970)
